questioning?

I’m a very scientific person. I don’t believe in things I don’t see. I don’t believe in things I don’t understand. I tend to search facts, condition, reality, mainly understandable thing.

For old-fashioned religious people, I’m quite a bastard, for the things I said about believing in things I don’t understand. But for me, miracle is understandable. Faith is understandable. We accept miracle from Something we called GOD. HE who created us all give miracles to us. That is pretty understandable, kan?

We have to reduce our curiosity of knowing the process of how something happenned, or why something happenned. That is helpful for scientific-fact-ish people like me. It helps me to stay believing in Him, whom I can’t see face to face, whom I can’t have conversation with mouth to mouth.

God works on His way. He doesn’t tell us how He exactly works. He just tells us to believe. Why? because, I think, if He tells me how He works, I won’t get it. Totally won’t get it. I will question Him more and more or even doubt Him. For God sake, He’s GOD. He creates me. hahahah. If I doubt Him, i’ll be like elementary student who doubt her teacher for doing 1+1 thing, got it?

maaakkk

I had this dream, when a person I loved so much left me without saying goodbye, I don’t know why, but it keeps running on my head. The tears I cried on that dream are bugging me like hell. Annoying, because such dream could make feel melancholic. HAH!

I live in a big two-story house with my brother and one servant. I seldom meet my parents, due to my father’s job as a doctor in Pontianak. He can’t quit his job to live with me here in Jakarta. And my mother has to stay there too to take care of my father. So here I am with my brother.

My brother and I go to medical school, and we’re doing clerkship now, so I can say, we seldom have conversation, or even meet. I’m not a kind of sister who sends lovely messages to her brother. So, pratically, I live alone.

Friends? I have many friends. I have some good friends who are ready to be called whenever I want to.

Lover? Naaaa… I have a crush on someone, tapi gue ga secinta itu untuk ngejar dia.

HUBUNGANNYAAA..

Ya, waktu gue bermimpi buruk itu, sebenarnya yang gue mimpiin itu adalah nyokap gue. Ampe sekarang, gue masih inget mimpi itu, dan rasa sedihnya masi kerasa ampe sekarang. Sebenernya kalo dipikir-pikir, manja sih gue, banyak kok temen2 gue dari daerah yang ketemu orang tuanya cuma setahun sekali. Yah. emang gue manja.

LALUUUUU

Tadi gue nonton Let’s Go To School film nya Bi Rain. Di situ ada cerita seorang ibu ninggalin anaknya, supaya anaknya hidup lebih mapan ama orang lain. Entah kenapa gue langsung inget nyokap gue. Just remember about her, about things she has done to me. About bad things I’d done to her. Dan yang paling gue inget adalah, saat nyokap gue merawat gue pas gue sakit tipus, dan dia ternyata juga lagi sakit tipus. Dan gue inget, dia ngerawat gue pas gue muntah, padal abis itu dia juga muntah-muntah. *sigh* bisa ga ya gue ntar sesayang itu ama anak gue? ga usah jauh2 deh, bisa ga ya ntar gue sayang sama nyokap gue terus pas nanti nyokap gue udah tua renta, pas nanti nyokap gue even ga bisa jalan, ga bisa mandi sendiri, ga bisa pipis atau pup sendiri, bisakah gue ngerawat dia tanpa bersungut-sungut.

Gue sayang nyokap gue walaupun tiap nyokap nelpon gue lagi asik ama kegiatan gue sendiri dan rada males2an jawabnya hehe. Maap ya mami sayang, semoga nanti aku bisa seperti dirimu.

PS : buat papi, you chose a perfect woman as a mother and a wife for our family

Another story from a “dokter muda”

Beberapa hari yg lalu, pas gue kerja poli di poli anak suatu rumah sakit pendidikan di daerah jakarta timur, gue menemukan seorang anak usia 2 tahun yg menderita pertusis.
Pertusis/batuk rejan menyebabkan penderita mengalami whooping cough atau batuk terus menerus selama ±15kali tanpa diselingi tarikan nafas.
Bayangkan seorang anak 2 tahun menderita penyakit sebahaya itu.
Anak ini kebetulan adalah seorang anak dari orang tua dengan HIV (+). Ayahnya bru saja meninggal entah kapan, dan anak ini juga baru didiagnosis HIV positif beberapa hari sebelum dateng ke poli tempat gue bekerja waktu itu. Ibunya juga HIV (+) tentu saja yg sedang mengkonsumsi obat antiretroviral, yg hanya bisa memperlambat bukan menyembuhkan.

Kasihan! Itu yg terbersit di kepala gue, saat pertama kali anak itu dateng ke ruangan poli. Gue bersama 2 org teman gue yg lain, melihat miris kepada anak itu dan ibunya. Mereka berdua tampak tidak mengerti keadaan mereka sebenarnya. Gue melihat saat anak itu batuk berkali-kali, ibunya berkata “hus hus” dengan sayangnya. Ironis yah.
Saat gue melakukan pemeriksaan ke anak itu, pikiran gue mulai bercabang. Gue mulai melakukan hal bodoh yg selalu dilakukan oleh manusia saat menghadapi suatu hal yg buruk, yaitu berandai. Gue berandai, seandainya ibu ini tidak terkena HIV. Seandainya ibu ini tidak memakai narkoba. Seandainya ibu ini tidak bertemu dengan suaminya dulu. Seandainya anak ini tidak pernah terlahirkan. Pikiran bodoh gue berhenti sampai di situ, krn gue tiba2 sadar, gue seperti melangkahi Tuhan, karena gue mengharapkan seseorang tidak lahir ke dunia ini.

Gue ingin sekali memberitahu ke seluruh poli betapa infeksiusnya anak itu (yah sedangkan gue dan teman2 gue berada dekat dengan dia untuk memeriksa). Betapa penyakit ini bisa membunuh anak dengan sistem imun baik, apalagi yang HIV (+) seperti dia.

Life is lame in human’s eyes.

Betapa berusahanya pun elo, akan selalu ada orang lain yang tidak berusaha. Sehingga sistem akan rusak. Dan semuanya akan tetap kembali buruk.
Itu pandangan gue terhadap kesehatan di seluruh dunia. No one cares enough.

Kissing Me by Alex and Daniel Henney

Sweety by Clazziquai Project

It feels like summer breeze when I wake up in the morning

Let me tell you that my life has begun

I want to love you more every day and every moment

Promise you’ll never leave

I know we’ll be okay

Cause I know you will be around

Just wanna tell you, you make my body

I feel my heart with you

I can’t stop thinking about you

Let me tell you once again, I’m in love with you

You don’t know how I feel when you smile at me like that

Can you see you are the one that brings me back to life

Super Girl by Super Junior – M

Walaupun bahasa Chinese nya agak mengganggu, tapi ya, I can’t resist Suju in any kind gitu..

:(

It’s extremely hard to act old when you’re the youngest in your family. Please don’t push me. I’m exhausted

That’s why I act crazy when I’m not with you, because I can be anything what you don’t allow me to be.

I love you

But please allow me to love myself too..

Jadwal Jaga Stase Anak

JADWAL JAGA ANAK

I

Daniel Henney is A Doctor

Yeah.. in your dream.!

Gak. Daniel Henney will be playing as Dr. David Lee, in one of the upcoming serial TV titled “Three Rivers”. Gosh, can’t wait to see him playing as a doctor, it’s like my dream comes true. Hueehehe

Three Rivers

Daniel Henney as Dr. David Lee

Katherine Moennig - Alex O'Loughlin - Christopher Hanke - Daniel Henney

Tom Cruise’s Son

Tom Cruise ternyata punya anak laki-laki umur 14 tahun yang dia adopsi dulu pas masih menikah ama Nicole Kidman. Gue kok baru tau, ya?

Namanya Connor Cruise

Connor Cruise

Connor was born in Florida. He has an older sister Isabella. He also has two half-sisters, Suri Cruise (from his father and actress Katie Holmes) and Sunday Rose Urban (from his mother and country singer Keith Urban).

Nicole-Connor-Isabella-Tom

Katie-Isabella-Tom-Suri-Connor